Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku
by Frog-kun
Summary: Kuroko and Kagami become Vampire Slayers in their free time.
1. The Vampire of Shinjuku

"I'm scared of vampires," Kuroko said one day.

He stated this, in rather nonchalant tones, when Aida asked the team about their greatest fears. It was some kind of motivational exercise or other, like screaming one's goals from the school rooftop. One's deepest fear could motivate you; it could push you to your very limits. At least, that was what Kuroko was led to believe.

"Are you serious?" said Koganei incredulously. "Vampires, you say?"

"Yes," said Kuroko.

There was, for a moment, utter silence on the basketball court. Even the sound of shoes squeaking against the floor totally ceased.

Then Kagami started laughing.

It sounded halfway between a roar and a guffaw. Kagami was not usually given to excessive laughter but today he could not hold himself back. It was rather rude of him, really. He even had to clutch his stomach because he was doubled over, and he would not stop pointing his finger at Kuroko while he was at it.

"You… scared of vampires…! Who's scared of vampires? They don't even exist!"

"They might," Kuroko pointed out mildly. "You just never know."

"But what's so scary about them anyway?" Kagami demanded. This was, by the way, the same person who was deathly afraid of dogs.

"They bite you," Kuroko responded with utmost gravity. "They suck your blood." He paused. "I could get AIDs."

"That is rather frightening, I agree," said Hyuuga, while pushing up his glasses.

"Shut up, you're all idiots," Aida interjected tartly. She was not quite sure how to respond to this situation and not knowing how to respond to things always made her grumpy by default. "Just… get back to training, you louts. I need a coffee."

After that, the conversation was more or less forgotten amid a good, solid training session of blood, sweat and tears. But Kagami could not restrain a chuckle the entire time, and was soundly beaten by Hyuuga as a result.

_Frog-kun presents:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter One: The Vampire of Shinjuku**

It is an urban legend among high school students in Tokyo.

Perhaps you have heard of something like it, dear reader. These sorts of stories come and go when they please, blending against a tessellation of gossip and rumour. This is one of those tales that Tokyo students tell each other when there is not that much else to talk about. Yet whenever the story is told, it has the same chilling effect as that very first telling, so many years ago.

The story of the Vampire of Shinjuku goes a little something like this: every month, on the night of the new moon, a vampire haunts the Shinjuku area. It can go after anyone, but it usually picks high school boys; the scrawnier and more inconspicuous they are, the better.

Kuroko, therefore, had a legitimate reason to be wary of the Vampire of Shinjuku, what with his entire play in basketball revolving around misdirection. When practice ended late and Kuroko walked home in the dark, he was cautious, although he expressed this emotion in the same way he expressed joy and sadness and euphoria, so it was kind of hard to tell.

There was one occasion he remembered, which happened when he was about eight or nine. He had been walking home through Shinjuku at night. He was with his parents at the time, so he had nothing to really fear. Even at that age, his eyes and ears were remarkably sharp and he thought he detected movement behind him. Yet when he turned around curiously to look, there was nothing to see. There were plenty of cars and people around and Shinjuku was always illuminated by the tint of neon lights, but the movement Kuroko caught that day was none of these things. He had never been good with words, so he could not describe it. If he could hazard a guess, he thought it was the shadows moving – to places they did not belong. He only experienced that sensation once after that.

Kuroko was not a paranoid child. He was not afraid of the dark, though after that incident, something in him had shifted. He became conscious of shadows, of how easy it was to slip into them and enjoy their protection. It wasn't magic, but it suited Kuroko well enough.

The second time Kuroko experienced the strange sensation of the shadows moving was when he went home after practice that day. This time, he was with Kagami, and the red-haired boy failed to notice anything out of the ordinary. Kuroko did not look around either. He knew there would be nothing there. He listened to Kagami talk blithely about some play he had made in training and he waited.

Eventually, the moment passed, and the night was lonely.

Kuroko tilted his chin up slightly in contemplation, brought it back down with a barely indiscernible movement and blinked. Then he said goodbye to Kagami and finished his journey home.

* * *

After a nice long bath, an ample dinner with his family and a good night's rest, Kuroko woke up and there was a naked girl lying beside him in his bed. She was using his arm as a pillow rest.

How peculiar, thought Kuroko.

He had never seen the girl before. If he had, he would probably have remembered her, if only because the shade of her hair was exactly the same as his. Her skin was pale to the degree that it could be classified as white, and her lips were as red as blood. Her mouth was slightly open, revealing two rather sharp-looking fangs. Casting his gaze towards his window, Kuroko noticed that the curtains swayed gently in the wind and that the window itself was slightly ajar. There was enough room between the shutters for a small animal to crawl through – a rat, perhaps, or even a bat.

No doubt about it: a vampire had invaded Kuroko's bed and was now pressing her decidedly nubile body against his in her sleep. He was equally dismayed to find that his clothes had seemingly evaporated into thin air overnight.

Perhaps you, dear reader, can relate to this situation a little. You've had a rather eventful night, probably with more than a little alcohol involved, and you wake up and there's this person you don't remember meeting committing a gross violation of your personal space. You've given up sleeping with your parents or your siblings or whoever years ago. Your bed is for you alone. Kuroko was certainly of this frame of mind; he found himself a little miffed that this was happening to him, vampire or not. It was just plain impolite. He did not have a hangover, but he was in a bad mood all the same.

He was just deciding to himself whether to wake up the girl or not or whether to slip out of his bed without her noticing, when the girl made a sort of mewling noise and opened her eyes drowsily. They were a striking shade of amber.

"Morning," she said, rather sleepily.

"Good morning," Kuroko said in response. Even when he was in a bad mood, he never forgot his manners.

The girl made another noise; this one sounded like a groan. "Close the blinds," she said.

Vampires didn't like the light, Kuroko remembered. "I'd rather not, if you don't mind," he told her. "Otherwise, I can't see."

"Fine," said the vampire with a mutinous grumble. She started hogging the blanket and wrapped it over herself so that she resembled a cocoon. This left Kuroko in the light but also disconcertingly naked.

"I have a question," he said mildly. "Where did my clothes go?"

"Hm," grunted the vampire.

"I was wearing my pyjamas last night," Kuroko explained patiently. "And now they're not on me. My mother paid a lot for them."

The cocoon of blankets beside him twitched. A muffled voice projected from beneath the folds.

"Just collateral damage."

"I see," said Kuroko blandly.

"If you must know," the vampire went on, "think back to the throes of our passion last night-"

Kuroko yawned.

"I am not a morning person," he explained. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," said the vampire agreeably. She was evidently not a morning person either, but she was starting to warm up to Kuroko somewhat. "Last night, you know, you were like another person. Part man, part phantom, part unstoppable sex machine…!"

Kuroko thought about this and promptly decided that the image did not compute. So he got up, dressed himself in his uniform and brushed his teeth thoroughly. He returned to his room, hoping to find that the vampire had decided to leave him alone or that she was just a hallucination. Alas, she was still there when he returned. She had closed the blinds and was now sitting on his bed in his shadowy room, humming to herself pleasantly. Mercifully, she was clothed now. She had put on his jersey and a pair of his tracksuit pants. Kuroko had never possessed the biggest of builds, so his clothes seemed to fit the girl well enough.

"I was just pulling your leg, you know," she said. "We didn't really – _you know_…"

At that moment, Kuroko noticed that the sleeve of his pyjamas was poking out from under his bed. The sight of it relieved him somewhat; he really did like those pyjamas.

But first, there was the matter at hand.

"Why are you here?" Kuroko asked, deciding that the time for pleasantries had more or less come to an end. He thought about serving tea to the vampire, but then realised that this totally contradicted his previous thought.

"I want your body," said the vampire.

"The door's that way," Kuroko said simply.

She snorted. "I didn't mean I want your body like _that_! Well, I do, but that's not… well, it _is_, but what I mean to say is that I mean that I want you to form a contract with me."

She uttered the second part of this sentence at breakneck speed. Kuroko wondered why she did not mention all that in the beginning. He waited in bland silence for her to continue speaking.

"It's complicated, you see," said the vampire delicately, flicking her blue hair to the side. "For a long time, we vampires have been observing you, Tetsuya Kuroko. Your body would make a prime vessel for a vampire."

"So you want to suck my blood?"

"More than that. I want to occupy your body."

Kuroko blinked.

"Well, see, normally, we vampires are bound by law so we're not allowed to bite people in this form," the girl explained. "But if I occupy your body, that would be great. You have a strong affinity for shadows. I could bite anyone I like. Just form the contract with me and we're good to go."

"How…?" Yet Kuroko already had a feeling…

"By mating," said the vampire with a grin. Her voice dropped to a husky whisper. "So if you're ready-"

"The door's that way," Kuroko repeated himself, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

The vampire pouted. "You're no fun at all!"

The last thing Kuroko wanted was to turn into a blood-sucking monster, especially when there was a national basketball tournament just around the corner.

"Well, anyway, think about it, okay?" said the girl at length. She sat up and stretched. "My name's Katou, by the way."

"Okay," said Kuroko. "Well, I'm off now."

Even for Kuroko standards, he slunk off into the shadows pretty fast.

* * *

**Next chapter: **Tetsuya Kuroko! Make a contract with me and become a magical girl – er, boy!


	2. A Bromantic Comedy

**Author's note: **Bromance. What's it good for?

When I think of bromance, I think back to my idyllic high school days, back to that time of my life which, upon recollection, seem as if they were forever locked in a ray of golden summertime glory. I think of that time my mate replaced my shampoo with mustard. I unfortunately only realised this while I was in the shower, so I ran out and beat the ever living shit out of this mate of mine.

Those were the days, all right. We were tight, man. We did everything together. We took the same subjects, played the same games, listened to the same music. People said we were one and the same person, only my mate was more of a twat than me, an undeniably true fact. Neither of us had girlfriends, so we'd just hang out every day and do stupid shit together, like throw our shoes up trees and run around screaming inappropriate religious jokes at the tops of our lungs.

Actually, on retrospect, I think this mate of mine was gay.

_Without further ado:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter Two: A Bromantic Comedy**

Kagami was the first to notice that there was something… off… about Kuroko that day.

To you, dear reader, it might seem strange that Kagami, who was well known for not being the sharpest tool in the shed, could read Kuroko's moods like a barometer. Especially since to most people, Kuroko was about as easy to read as ancient hieroglyphics. It all came down to how Kuroko passed the ball. They had played together so often that Kagami could notice when Kuroko was more sluggish than usual. He could tell that if Kuroko did not pass the ball instantly – if he had to make a conscious effort to identify openings – then Kuroko's mind was not on the game.

Kagami was not about to admit it, but he was kind of worried for him…

"What is up with you today?" he demanded gruffly. He had always known his team mate was a bit of an odd duck, but he had never let that bother him too much. Kuroko was Kuroko – it was hard to imagine him as anyone else. Sometimes, though, he made Kagami scratch his head in confusion, like right now, for instance.

As he did sit-ups, Kuroko kept stuffing mouthfuls upon mouthfuls of garlic into his mouth. His breath stank so much it was hard to be even within a meter of him without cringing. When Kuroko noticed Kagami staring at him strangely, he said, very solemnly, "It's a precaution."

Garlic. Precaution. Wait. Whaaaaaaat?

Kagami took a wild swing at the underlying question. "Is this about your vampire-phobia?" he asked finally. Kuroko opened his mouth and proceeded to contaminate the air with more of his garlic breath. Then he nodded.

Kagami found it hard to decide whether he wanted to laugh, cry or slap Kuroko repeatedly across the face. He ended up doing none of these things because of something that happened next.

A girl walked into the gym hall. She was pale, she had blue hair and she was armed with a parasol. If Kagami had been scrutinising Kuroko's blank face carefully at this point, he would have noticed the smaller boy's left eye twitch.

Aida looked at the girl suspiciously as she attempted to make her way across the court. "You're interrupting," Aida said crossly. "And who are you, anyway?"

The girl did not respond to that. She simply stood with her hands on her hips and let her gaze sweep across the court. Kuroko ducked his head very low indeed. It seemed as if he was trying very subtly to hide behind Kagami. But even Kuroko could be spotted if someone was looking carefully enough for him, and as soon as she saw him, the girl waved.

Kagami stared at the girl, then at Kuroko, then back at the girl.

"What the hell?" he said incredulously.

Having noticed the commotion, the other players on the team stopped what they were doing so that they could take it in turns to point and stare at the girl as if she was a specimen of a foreign species.

"It's time for you to make sweet, sweet love to me, Tetsuya-kun!" the girl enthused.

"This is my sister," said Kuroko.

"Bullshit!" said Kagami with a snort.

The girl – whose name was Katou as you might remember – strutted her way across the court. She was just about within kissing distance of Kuroko when she stopped, made convulsions, and took a step back, a look of undisguised horror replacing her previously bright smile.

"Your breath stinks!" she protested volubly.

"Yay, the garlic worked," said Kuroko nonchalantly.

Kuroko made an unintelligible rasping noise with his throat. It sounded vaguely as if he was being strangled.

"IS THIS CHICK A VAMPIRE?" he demanded finally.

Only now did it seem as if Katou noticed him. Before replying, she whipped out some sunscreen from her tracksuit pockets – which clearly belonged to Kuroko – and dabbed some of it on her face and arms.

"Yes," she said. "Yes, I'm a vampire. But I'm not a slut, in case that's what you're thinking. To be honest, Tetsuya-kun is not really my type. I just need him to be my vessel. But you, on the other hand, you fine specimen, you delectable hunk of a man, you…!"

Kagami's face rapidly became as red as his hair. He spluttered, tried to search through his mind for something suave and manly to say, came up with an embarrassing blank, and proceeded to yell curses at her.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU EVIL VAMPIRE? JUST LEAVE US ALONE, YOU STUPID LITTLE-!"

Aida interrupted by grabbing Katou by the arm and practically flinging her out the door.

"Well, that takes care of that," she said with evident satisfaction.

Koganei nudged Kagami. "So, um, what was all that about?"

"Beats me," said Kagami with a shrug. "I don't even – this is all Kuroko's fault, damn it!"

Satisfied he had come up with the deep meaning of life and the universe, Kagami went back to doing what he did best.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kuroko decided that he really was in a bit of a dilemma and that he would have to do his best to get out of it. The vampire was a persistent sort, he would grant her that. If she would not go away peacefully, that left only one valid option: to slay her.

He tried to summon up all the knowledge he knew about vampires. It turned out to be rather little. He had never been a fan of vampire fiction and his greatest exposure to their mythos before Katou came along was the Vampire of Shinjuku story. He wasn't sure if Katou herself was the Vampire of Shinjuku, though she had certainly implied that there was more than one vampire on the scene.

After basketball practice, Kuroko decided he would look for a vampire slayer. And yes, he had no idea where to find one, but hey, Tokyo was a big place. He supposed it took all sorts to make a city.

He was just about to leave Seirin behind him when he felt a large hand clamp down on his shoulder. "Hey," said Kagami.

"Hey," said Kuroko.

Kagami came into step beside him and the two of them started making their way down the street. "You know, you're right," Kagami said after a pause, looking away to his right, not really meeting Kuroko's eyes. "Vampires do exist and they're damned scary."

Kuroko nodded.

"Listen," Kagami went on. "I'll help you out here. If that vampire chick's harassing you…" He let his sentence dwindle away into silence. He certainly couldn't beat her up, but the sentiment was there, and Kuroko felt relieved to have someone like Kagami at his back.

"Know any vampire slayers?" Kuroko asked.

"Nope," Kagami replied. "But we can slay her ourselves – with a stake."

"Oh, I see," said Kuroko. He did not think he was strong enough to drive a wooden stake through someone's heart. "Can you do it for me?" he asked.

"Goes without saying," said Kagami with a devilish grin.

"Thank you, Kagami-kun."

Kagami's chest visibly swelled.

"Let's go kick some vampire ass!"

They went to Kagami's house, where they rummaged around the kitchen for a short while, looking for a stake. They found nothing there, but they did manage to find a garden stake out the back somewhere. A stake was a stake – it would have to do. Once they found it, they sat around in Kagami's room waiting for the vampire. This got boring very quickly, so they left the stake on the bed and went outside to play basketball with Kagami's spare hoop.

Naturally, this was the moment when Katou decided to appear.

It was getting dark when she showed her face. Only sparse rays of sunlight still lit up the surroundings and the air was becoming steadily chillier. Katou had abandoned her parasol and sunscreen and approached the two boys, licking her bright red lips as she did so. She was evidently in her element now that nightfall had come.

Let it go on the record: vampires are infinitely creepier at night time than how they are during the day, especially when they smile. In the dark, their fangs seem almost luminescent – your eyes are just drawn towards them you can't help but imagine them sinking into the base of your neck. You can vividly imagine the pain that follows. Vampires think they're being friendly when they smile, but the fangs they sport render the sentiment fairly moot.

These thoughts were very much on the mind of the two boys and they lamented over how the garden stake was not with them.

"I'm really sorry for disrupting your practice," Katou said apologetically. "I can get a little carried away. Please don't hate me."

Kuroko and Kagami glanced at each other. They exchanged silent words. Then Kuroko turned back to Katou said, "Would you like to play some basketball?"

"I'd love to!"

Poor Katou. Poor, poor Katou.

First of all, a note about vampires: they may be expert hunters and their strength may grow exponentially when the sun is down, but this does not instantly make them good basketball players. In fact, vampires are notoriously lazy. When they are not sucking blood from their hapless victims, they sleep in their coffins, often for centuries on end. Modern vampires have discovered the joys of late-night TV, and as a rule, it is not part of vampire culture to encourage exercise or to join sports clubs. As a result of this, Katou was even weaker a player than Kuroko – and she did not have any specialised talents like he did to make up for it. Against Kagami, she had no choice.

Secondly, Katou was so fixated on playing with Kagami and trying in vain to impress him that she forgot about Kuroko, who was hard to notice on the court anyway. She did not even realise when Kuroko slipped off into Kagami's house and she certainly did not notice when he returned – bearing an ugly wooden stake.

With consummate ease, Kuroko passed the stake to Kagami. His movements were so quick and subtle that it would have been impossible for the casual observer to notice exactly when the stake passed hands. As Kagami took the stake, Katou managed to get hold of the ball. She stood directly under the hoop, squinted carefully at it and hurled the ball up towards it. The ball hit the hoop and bounced off it – it had been a rather weak throw and Katou was dismayed by it.

"Did you see that, Tetsuya-kun? Taiga-kun?" She swung around, a mixture of despondence and hopefulness on her features. "I almost got it in!"

Kagami cut her off. He gripped the stake tightly between his hands and came towards Katou, his eyes flashing with purpose. In that instant, Katou realised what was happening and her eyes and mouth opened wide. Reflexively, she stepped backwards, but her reaction was much too slow.

Viciously, Kagami drove the stake through her heart, so that the pointy end of it came out through her back.

There was no blood. Vampires did not have any blood. But they could certainly writhe around in agony and this one did. Katou threw her head back and gasped in total, overwhelming pain.

"Oh dear, I'm dead," she said sadly, and then she died.

Her body fell against Kagami's, unmoving. For a moment, they remained like that, fixed in the intimate embrace of the murdered and the murderer. Kagami's hands shook around his weapon and he could look at nowhere except the gaping wound he had made.

Before their eyes, the vampire began to disintegrate. Her flesh rotted and collapsed against her bones so that she appeared to be nothing more than a skeleton. Her cheekbones hollowed out. Her body withered away into a fine black dust, so that soon, Kagami was holding the stake in naked air. The neighbourhood was quiet and only the sound of the basketball still bouncing against the pavement was audible. Soon enough, even that noise faded away into the twilight.

"We did it," Kagami said numbly.

Kuroko bent down on his knees and inspected the dust Katou had left behind. It was wispier than ash and as he touched it, it softened and gave way to a gust of wind, scattering away from his grasp.

"Hmmm," was all he said.

They were silent for a moment, both of them contemplating the vampire's last moments. There was just something so surrealistic about the whole thing, like everything had taken place in another reality. They felt curiously detached from it all.

Then Kagami threw the stake to the ground.

"Well, I'm up for some dinner," he remarked. "I'm starving!"

And so the two boys adjourned for a well-deserved food break, little knowing that what had happened with Katou was only the beginning…

* * *

In every major city of this world, there exists a Den of Vampires, the name of which is fairly self-explanatory. It is hidden extremely well in the shadows. A person could spend his entire life scouring Tokyo and not even found a hint of a bat or a coffin anywhere. As per the legend, Tokyo's Den of Vampires was naturally hidden in Shinjuku, though I could not tell you which part of Shinjuku this was – the Den's location changes every day. Inside the Den, at any rate, was a small, enclosed, dark room. The only visible thing in it was a bunch of coffins, most of them squashed together and stacked on top of each other. It was not the most comfortable of hideouts, but for a dying race it would have to do.

It did not take long for news of Katou's death to reach the Den of Vampires. A bat flew into the Den and reported the regrettable incident. This all happened telepathically, or the bat screeched out ultrasonic waves only vampires and other bats could detect. Vampires have very good hearing.

It was up to the eldest vampire to decide what to do in the face of this tragedy. His name was the Benevolent One. He never came out of his coffin – his fashion sense was hideous and he knew it. Also, unfortunately for him, as vampires got older, they were less able to resist the effects of light. Katou had been a young vampire, the very youngest in the tribe. It had been up to her to find a mate and prolong the existence of her race. Now she was dead.

The vampires would have their revenge.

"Mwa ha ha!" laughed the Benevolent One in his coffin. "Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

Stupid as it sounds on paper, it was actually a rather sinister laugh. Please do your best to imagine it.

* * *

**Next chapter: **Honestly, I'm making this shit up as I go along.


	3. All your base are belong to us

**Author's note: **Is it even possible these days to write a vampire parody without making some cheap reference to _Twilight_?

Since this fanfic is shedding its vampire parody roots in favour of becoming an uninspired shonen battle story, I may as well get this out of the way before I forget:

_Keeping the sparkles out of vampires since 2012:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter Three: All your base are belong to us**

"I killed someone," Kagami said to Kuroko one day, as if he had only just figured this out. "You stupid idiot, look what you made me do."

They were sitting in the fast food joint and Kagami was devouring his usual mountain of burgers with relish. Kuroko simply sat across from him peering at him carefully, his lips curled meditatively around the straw of his vanilla shake.

"Does a vampire even count?" he wondered aloud.

Kagami ate a burger in one deft chew.

"Maybe," he said. "I'm not sure. Damn."

"Oh well," said Kuroko.

"Argh! What do you mean _oh well_?"

"It's but a distant memory."

"IT WAS TWO DAYS AGO, YOU DIMWIT!"

At that time, they both thought no vampires would ever bother them again. Their ordeal was done. Complete. Finito. Owari. Anything more was just another one of those lame, unnecessary money-grabbing sequels.

Kagami was still grumbling irately at Kuroko as they left the food joint when someone tapped him on the back. A young boy's voice spoke up.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Did you mention vampires?"

His tone was polite and brisk. Kagami and Kuroko both turned around, a little startled that someone had managed to sneak up on them both.

On first glance, he looked like an octogenarian with a twelve-year-old boy's face. He wore a faded brown suit that looked like it might have been in fashion back in early nineteenth century Massachusetts and he held a long, thick pipe with smoke wafting out of the end of it. It was a marvel that no one had stopped this kid and informed him, gently yet firmly, that smoking was not legal for minors.

Kagami stared down at him. The child was half his height. "Who're you?" he asked bluntly.

"My, how rude," the young boy sniffed. "Youngsters these days have no manners!"

"Did you just call us youngsters, you little squirt?"

"Excuse me," Kuroko broke in politely. He introduced himself and Kagami to the boy, before he asked, "What's your name?"

The young boy nodded at him with approval. "Now that's more like it. My name is Kid." After he said this, he placed the pipe back into his mouth and exhaled.

"Don't blow that smoke in my face, Kid!" Kagami wrinkled his nose.

Kid ignored him. He turned back to Kuroko. "You were talking about vampires?"

Kuroko nodded.

"Don't tell him that so easily!" Kagami groaned.

"What a fascinating coincidence," Kid remarked. "Why, I'll have you know, back in the day, I was a Vampire Slayer. A mighty good one, I'll add."

"Oh, so you're retired now," Kuroko said with mild interest.

"Quite."

"Indeed."

"Rather."

"Both of you frustrate the hell out of me," Kagami said through gritted teeth.

Kuroko blinked and seemed to recall his opinion of vampires. "I'm sorry, we're not interested in vampires," he told Kid in an even tone.

"Yeah, we've had enough of them to last us a lifetime," Kagami declared.

Kid peered at them both curiously. There was something measured in his gaze. It wasn't just in the strange clothes and the fact that he smoked – there really was a part of him that was not and perhaps had never _been _childish about him.

"They are rather troublesome," Kid agreed, after a moment of pause. "Well, I suppose I should get going now. Perhaps fate might choose to let us meet again. It was a pleasure meeting you."

He only shook Kuroko's hand before he left.

* * *

… And of course Kagami was _still _whinging about Kid at practice the next morning.

"That stupid old brat!" Kagami said, scowling. "That annoying young coot!"

"I think he liked me," said Kuroko.

Kagami growled.

The two boys were distracted from their low-key bickering when they heard murmuring voices from their team mates behind them.

"Has anyone seen the coach today?"

"It's not like her to skip…"

"Maybe she's sick?"

Kuroko blinked and looked around the gym. The others were right. Aida was nowhere within sight.

She couldn't be sick, Kuroko thought. Aida could have pneumonia and she would still turn up. Or even herpes.

He was suddenly very thoughtful; perhaps, you could say, he was even on edge…

Abruptly, someone banged on the door and it opened. Aida's father stormed into the hall, waving a pistol with one hand and a piece of scrunched up paper in the other.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS MADNESS?" he demanded furiously.

Everybody on the court stiffened.

"No one perved on your daughter, sir," Mitobe said feebly.

"SILENCE!" roared Aida senior. "EXPLAIN THIS!"

He threw the scrunched-up piece of paper at Kagami, who caught it and began to smooth it out with puzzlement.

"Well?" Aida senior pressed him.

There was a message written in reddish-brown letters on the paper. On closer inspection, it was dried up blood.

And the message read:

_Tetsuya Kuroko + Taiga Kagami address. __This transmittance from Vampire of Shinjuku. Displaced coach is vampire among. She in our care, the Den of Vampires. Submit our will to & alive u will see again. __All your base are belong to us._

"Did they use Google Translator to write this or what?" Izuki remarked.

"Looks like a prank letter," Hyuga said dismissively.

Kuroko and Kagami looked at each other very, _very _uneasily because they knew better. The fact that the letter was addressed to them and written in blood – maybe even Aida's blood – just made the truth of the matter all the more obvious. The vampires' writing ability aside, Aida was missing and her father had found this letter. Kuroko and Kagami had met a vampire themselves and they had killed one too. It wasn't too hard to imagine that the rest of them would consider revenge.

"We're going to rescue her," they said in unison. And they looked at each other and they both nodded.

They had gotten into this mess together. They would get out of it together.

* * *

**Next chapter: **… and so begins the Soul Society arc.

… Oh wait I've only written a thousand words. Whoops. This chapter's not over yet, dear reader! Encore! Encore!

* * *

As you may recall me writing earlier, it's practically impossible for mortals to find the Den of Vampires. Two years ago, I was in the Shinjuku area myself and I searched high and low for the elusive Den. For my troubles, I ended up with nothing but a few tissues random girls had given to me as I walked by. I do not have them now, for I wiped my nose with them.

Although I have personally never come across the Den, there are people that I know that have. They do not make up a very large percentage of the population, admittedly. So to take a short detour from the plot at hand here, I will tell you about my encounter with the former Vampire Slayer named Kid and how he came to know of the location of this fabled Den.

I met Kid at Tokyo Disneyland. It was an atypical summer day; the rain fell resoundingly and my dick of a mate (who I have mentioned in my author's note of chapter two) broke my umbrella because he was curious as to what would happen if he bashed it against the pavement. The natural cause and effect ensued. So there I was, holding an umbrella with the wires all broken in the pouring rain and all I could think was to get it out of my hands as quickly as possible. I spotted a boy walking along by himself, so I handed my mangled umbrella to him and you know what he said to me? He said he owed me his life.

You might be aware of how the queues in Disneyland are a mile long. So me and Kid got to talking and I realised – what an amazing life this boy had led! He was born in the year 1084 and, when he was twelve, he was bitten by a sickly vampire. A partial transformation had taken place – he became long-lived much as vampires are and as sensitive to supernatural forces. For years, he struggled to overcome a new-found craving for human blood. This he never quite achieved, so now Kid goes to the hospital and has regular blood transfusions. Being an arts student, I did not understand the medical jargon, but I believe that the condition he has, or what is interpreted by doctors at any rate, is that his heart does not distribute enough blood for his system, despite having a normal pulse rate. By having blood transfusions, Kid lowers his need to suck blood.

As you can imagine, things were not always so convenient for him. After being bitten and cast away by those who loved him, Kid had nothing in life to cling to but revenge. His vendetta was long-lived. He spent centuries hunting down vampires and exterminating them. Yet as the years went on and vampires became more and more a figment of our imaginations, Kid's zeal for vengeance faded. He could still find the Den of Vampires through his heightened beast senses, but he does nothing these days but to observe them. If they ever came out and bit humans again, he would be a force of reckoning.

This was about all I got to speak of with Kid before I parted ways with him, though he writes letters to me sometimes. Always snail mail, of course. I tell him people use Email and Facebook these days, but I'm afraid he is rather set in his ways.

This is a belated explanation, but the reason why I know this story and am at liberty to disclose it is because quite recently, Kid wrote to me about Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku. He described his second encounter with Kuroko in particular detail. I think you, dear reader, might find it kind of interesting.

* * *

After some vain attempts to find the Den of Vampires, Kuroko and Kagami were distraught. Kagami had his stake with him, but so far they had not seen anything to stab. It was all rather disheartening.

They were just walking past the fast food joint, with no intention of going inside to eat just yet, when they spotted Kid standing outside the entrance, waving to them cordially.

"You boys look like you've got something to do," he remarked. "Is there any way I can help?"

"You're a Vampire Slayer, right?" Kagami said urgently. "You know where the Den of Vampires is, right?"

"I do."

Kagami swiftly grabbed hold of Kid's shirt and brought him up to face level. "Then tells us where it is!"

At this point, Kid shook his head solemnly. "I'm afraid not," he said gravely. "You're too weak now."

Kagami looked furious. "Too weak! I don't give a crap, you young buffoon! The coach, she's-!"

Kuroko stopped him with his hand. "Please," he said to Kid.

Kid thought about it. As in, _really _thought about it. He looked at Kagami and Kuroko, but particularly at Kuroko, as if trying to gauge his worth with his eyes. In a sense, it was like he was using Aida's scan ability.

Finally, he said, "I'll tell where it is – but only if you can defeat me."

Kagami put down Kid, placed his hands on his hips, and grinned. "Now that's a language I can speak!"

He did not notice Kuroko peering at Kid and squinting, noticing something in the immortal boy that he recognised in nowhere but himself.

What it was exactly, he had no idea of at the time.

* * *

**Next chapter (for real!): **There is no other way to fight in this universe except through basketball. It is the definitive measure of all our strength and worth as people. It is through basketball that we live and it is through basketball that we die.

All hail Michael Jordan.


	4. Shadow versus Shadow

**Author's note: **Disclaimer necessary here. I don't play basketball. Christ, I don't even know how the scoring system works. I can understand why fic writers would choose not to write basketball matches in detail because it's quite difficult if you don't know the game very well. Also, I'm not a manga reader, just a follower of the anime. So yeah I probably screwed this one up. Different is not always better!

That being said, I do think it would be nice to see more fanfic writers try to write about different things, even if it's not a topic or genre they're not comfortable with. I used to be in the Prince of Tennis fandom, where stories were about everything but tennis. I don't want to see Kuroko no Basuke go in the same direction. Not to be a hater of that shonen ai stuff, I decided to slap some of that in this chapter too, so enjoy! (Non-fans: Don't worry, it's just plain ol' bromance.)

In other news, sorry for the relatively late update… was too busy playing eroge…

_In light of that disturbing revelation:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter Four: Shadow versus Shadow**

They went to find the nearest street basketball court. Conveniently enough, so as not to break the flow of this story, they found one with little effort. Stepping onto the court, Kagami started dribbling the ball enthusiastically. "Come at me, bro!" he taunted Kid.

So Kid did what he was told.

He came towards Kagami and spread his hands out in a flailing gesture, trying to reach for the ball. Deftly, Kagami span around him and dribbled the ball right past him. Kuroko propped himself down on the concrete and watched Kagami shoot successfully, yawning a little bit as he did so.

"That was intended," said Kid.

"Sure it was," Kagami replied, rolling his eyes.

"No, really, it was," Kid protested. "Please trust me on this."

He bent his knees.

"I will now show you a power beyond the Generation of Miracles," he claimed.

(Please don't question how a Vampire Slayer would know anything about a bunch of Japanese boys who happen to be above average at high school basketball.)

In any case, Kagami snorted in disbelief and started to dribble the ball past Kid once again. Kid shoved one hand into his pocket, the other into the air – and started to chant something in Latin.

"What?" Kagami's eyes widened. That was about all he could do because he was frozen in his tracks.

He looked down at the ball in his hand. He had just started to bounce it and as he watched it fell down towards the ground. Yet the speed that it fell was excruciatingly slow; it probably moved a whole inch in two seconds. He tried to move his hand after it, but his hand also moved in slow motion, never even catching up with the ball. Everything was so far behind his reaction time he was bewildered by it. It was almost like his body was frozen into place.

At a leisurely pace, Kid walked over to him and took the ball from him. It was clear that he was the only one who was not affected by the slowing down of time.

Kagami could only watch as Kid made his way over to the ring and tossed the ball underhanded. Miraculously, it went into the basket. Only then did Kagami regain proper control of his limbs.

Up until then he had been trying everything to push against the constraints against his body. Anything to speed himself up. As soon as time regained its normal pace, Kagami rammed against air, lost his balance and fell to the ground. He cursed loudly. Kid was standing over him.

"You annoying little Kid!" Kagami scowled. "What was that all about?"

"A simple slowing spell," Kid responded with a polite smile.

"What the-!" For a moment, Kagami couldn't even reply. He was seeing white. "That's not fair!" he cried. "That's against the rules, right?" He swung to face Kuroko for support. "_Right_?"

"Well, actually," Kuroko began, "there's not really any-"

"Shut up, you," said Kagami.

"If my spells displease you that much, I can do without them," Kid said helpfully.

Kagami's mutinous grumblings made it very clear what his opinion was on the whole matter.

"Very well then." Kid started dribbling the ball. "Shall we resume?"

He started making his way across the court, bouncing the ball. Kagami ran after him, trying to look for an opportunity to steal the ball. And then-

Kid vanished.

"I said no spells!" Kagami roared.

At this point, Kuroko stood up, his eyes wide in genuine shock.

"It's not a spell, Kagami-kun, it's misdirection!"

"_What?_"

As Kagami swung around in surprise, the sound of the ball rustling through the basket greeted his ears. Kid was standing directly under the hoop, his arms stretched out from the follow-through of another underhanded throw.

"How did you-?" Kagami gasped. "I thought only _Kuroko-_"

"It's my specialty," Kid broke in. "As one who has dedicated his life to darkness that is only natural. I see you have an ability similar to mine, hmm?"

It was obvious to both Kagami and Kuroko that Kid's skill at misdirection had in fact been outright _superior _to Kuroko's. Kagami had, after all, been watching Kid intently and still the Vampire Slayer had managed to direct his attention away from him somehow. He had blended into the shadows, had seemingly vanished. That was not something Kuroko could do while being watched.

Kagami and Kuroko were silent for a moment, and then Kuroko said calmly, "I'd like you to step aside, Kagami-kun."

Kagami nodded, implicitly understanding. Kuroko may never have had any rivals because of his supporting play, but then, he had never come across anyone who could match him at what he did. And behind Kuroko's seeming apathy lay a very real pride in his team and a desire to play with all of his strength. This playoff was something he could do against no other person. It was time for shadow versus shadow.

Kuroko and Kid faced each other, both their expressions stony and yet serene. The noise in the background seemed to fade away, except for the sound of the basketball dribbling.

Kagami knew it was not a match of technical skill. Neither Kuroko nor Kid was good at basketball in that sense. Kid made his way forward, dribbling the ball, trying to steer around Kuroko, whose knees were bent and whose arms were outstretched. Imperceptibly, Kid's eyebrows creased and his body crouched forward as if to spring himself forward.

Then the misdirection started. Kid's outline seemed to blur. Kuroko squinted, but for a moment, it seemed that he was actually gone.

Kuroko grit his teeth.

_Think. What would you do in his position? Where would you go?_

Kuroko knew.

He turned around, ran a few paces away from the ring and stretched out his arms in a defensive manoeuvre. Where he stopped, Kid was bouncing the ball. Kid jumped back in alarm, trying to stop himself from bumping into Kuroko.

In that split second, his grip on the ball loosened. Kuroko spotted his chance.

Leaning forward, he whipped his hand towards the ball. His fingers brushed against the coarse and rubbery texture of the ball before Kid quickly ducked his head and dribbled the ball away.

"Damn it!" Kagami yelled. "Get that Kid, Kuroko!"

It went on like that for a while. Every time Kid used his misdirection, Kuroko was able to cut him off. Neither of them could get near the baskets.

"You're very good at this," Kid remarked pleasantly. "Better than I expected."

Kuroko frowned. He wasn't about to admit it, but his stamina was already starting to run out. He wasn't used to being the one to actively chase the ball, so it was more draining than the usual basketball match for him. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. His forehead was starting to bead up with sweat but he did not dare divert his attention from Kid for the moment that it would take to wipe himself.

"It's a pity, you know," Kid went on. "I don't know why a child like you is playing basketball. You're squandering your talents."

"What do you mean?" Kuroko asked blankly.

"You are the shadow," Kid declared. "Your shadow brings out the light of your team mates, but the opposite is true too. Their light brings out your shadow. But even so, basketball is a game for insects who are attracted towards the glow of light. Kuroko-kun, with training you could very well be a great Vampire Slayer."

"Hn," was all Kuroko said.

"I can see why the vampires were so fixated with you. Yes, I will tell you where the Den of Vampires is," Kid said, smiling. "Quit basketball and become my successor!"

Kuroko came closer towards him.

"Yes, that's right, Kuroko-kun, you will have the power to rescue your friend…!"

Bending down low, Kuroko tapped the basketball as Kid dribbled it and snatched it away from his grasp. Then, spinning his body around deftly on a ninety degree angle, he passed the ball to Kagami from behind, without even looking at him.

This all happened within the span of two seconds.

"Be quiet, please," said Kuroko.

He said this with a calm, emotionless face, but if one looked closely, one could see his eyebrows were scrunched together slightly. His voice carried his conviction and he looked straight at Kid, his gaze unwavering.

"I see," said Kid sadly.

Kagami came up behind Kuroko, grinning. "Looks like we won the challenge. You _are _gonna tell us where the coach is now, right?"

"Yes, a promise is a promise," Kid said firmly. He straightened himself up and put his hands behind his back. "I got ahead of myself for a moment. Yes… I was remembering the zeal I had for slaying all those years ago…

"Listen, you boys. When I was young, I sought revenge against vampires as my life's following. Now that they have kidnapped a young girl, I have reason to despise them once again. So I will help you by giving you the weapons that can fight the vampires. I will teach you how to fight. But tell me, once this is over, will you just turn your back on vampires? Forget that they exist? The vampires will never stop haunting your lives. You should become Slayers, you _must_…

"But I will do no more to convince you since I cannot persuade you otherwise. Meet me by the river tonight. We will begin training then."

* * *

They came when it was dusk and they sat down together by the riverbank, watching the stillness of the water's surface.

"That slayer Kid sure is kinda creepy," Kagami remarked. He peered at Kuroko, who was lying stretched out on the grass beside him, resting his head on his arms. "Hey, Kuroko…"

"Yeah?" said Kuroko quietly.

"I just thought… it's even harder to see you in the dark."

Kuroko blinked once. "I see," he said at length.

They fell into a comfortable silence.

Kagami knew that what Kid had said to Kuroko must have rung true to the blue-haired boy on some level. Because when Kagami thought about it, Kuroko was sacrificing something to be his shadow. Kuroko would never be acknowledged widely for his good play in the same way that Kagami and the rest of Seirin would. It was not Kuroko scoring the goals. It was not Kuroko reaching towards the light.

While Kagami had never always been _good _at basketball, he had always been suited to it. But Kuroko was fundamentally different from him, in ways Kagami had never deeply considered.

"When I started playing basketball, I really liked it," Kuroko told him. "I practised hard even though I never got good at it."

"So why'd you keep at it?" Kagami asked him. "Even though you didn't think it didn't suited you?"

Kuroko looked at him seriously.

"Because it's fun," he said.

Kagami smiled. Then he grinned, and then he laughed. He hooked his arm around Kuroko's head affectionately.

"Obviously," he said in answer, because he could think of nothing truer than what Kuroko had said. "And anyway, I think basketball does suit you."

They would become Vampire Slayers because they wanted Aida back. Without her, Seirin would be depleted. Without her, basketball would be less fun.

That was their only reason.

Kagami stood up and waved. "Oi, look, Kuroko, there's Kid!"

Kuroko shrugged away from Kagami's grasp and squinted in the distance, in the direction of the bridge. Sure enough, Kagami was right: the slight figure of Kid was walking towards them. When Kagami waved, Kid raised his hand in response.

BANG.

Kuroko's eyes opened wide in alarm. A bullet grazed his cheek. Sitting up straight, he could see Kid blowing the tip of what he was holding in his hand: a pale, silver gun.

"What the _crap_?" Kagami demanded.

"Stay sharp, boys," said Kid nonchalantly.

Kagami was in full rage mode. "You almost killed us, you freak!"

Kid proceeded to never address this point at all. He passed the gun to Kuroko. "This is yours. I think this suits your style."

Then he started to rummage his bag.

"I'm scared you have grenades in there or something," Kagami said suspiciously.

"No, just a giant sword," said Kid. "Here you go."

Kagami made indiscernible rage noises. Then he said, "Hey, this sword's pretty cool!"

Its blade glowed faintly amber in the dark, luminescent like a firefly. It was a Western-style broadsword, the sort to be grasped in two hands. The edges of it looked sharp enough to cleave off metal and it was almost half as long as Kagami's whole body.

(Please don't question how Kid could have fit this in his bag.)

"It's called Hotaru," Kid explained. "The blade is charged with solar energy, so it will cut through the darkness." Then he turned to Kuroko. "The gun is called Kiku-ichimonji. A single bullet through the heart will kill most vampires."

Kuroko put his hand over Kiku-ichimonji. The metal was so smooth to touch, it was almost like silk. It seemed almost a shame to pick up the gun and use it.

"Well, I think you're ready now, you whippersnappers," said Kid proudly.

"Did you just call us whippersnappers?" Kagami asked.

Kid chuckled and ignored him. "It's time," he announced, "for the Training Arc of Hell!"

* * *

**Next chapter: **Well, that was a long detour. I totally forgot there was a plot. I think it had something to do with vampires but I'm not too sure… Next chapter: The Training Arc of Hell! Also, what exactly happened to Aida after she was kidnapped?


	5. The Training Arc of Hell

After getting kidnapped by vampires, Aida assumed a number of morbid, grisly fates awaited her. Most of them involved being violently mauled to death, having her blood sucked clean out of her or, in the worst case scenario, becoming a vampire herself. She certainly didn't expect the vampires to be kind enough to provide her with night goggles and to spend her time playing Snakes and Ladders in the dark.

This was all well and good (Aida considered herself good at board games, so all was _sort of okay _with the world) but most interestingly enough were the vampires themselves. They literally blew apart all of her expectations. The vampire who had swept her out of her bed at night and taken her to goodness knows where, for instance: she had somehow assumed that he would be one of those pale, menacing figures with a black cape and whatnot. Instead, she found that her captor bore more than a passing resemblance to Papa, even down to the colour of his skin and the big lips. He was shorter than Papa, though, and his face looked a good deal thinner – probably from malnutrition. When Aida performed her Scan on him, glancing at him furtively when she thought he was not looking, she did not pick up very high scores.

"Whatchu lookin' at?" asked the vampire who looked like Papa. His name was Alfred, and he had lived in South America before he had been bitten by a vampire.

"I'm just thinking it's a little strange," Aida explained reasonably. "You vampires don't get out of house a lot, so it's not like you're getting your healthy intake of Vitamin D. So I just, you know, naturally assumed you'd be paler than what you actually are."

Alfred responded to that with a huff. "You think I'm weird 'cos I'm black."

Before Aida could say anything to that, the gravelly voice of the Benevolent One spoke out to her. It seemed to come from one of the coffins.

"You mustn't prejudge things based on narrow-minded cultural assumptions."

Alfred nodded along eagerly to this. "You bad girl," he said to Aida condescendingly. "You very bad girl." It was enough to make Aida feel as if she were almost the bad guy here.

Almost. She was positively affronted. It was her turn to respond with a huff. She even swung around and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm not racist!" Then she thought of something and went on. "Say, why did you kidnap me anyway?"

"It's like this," said the Benevolent One. "Neither Tetsuya Kuroko nor Taiga Kagami have girlfriends, so we just picked you to be the damsel in distress."

Aida pointed her finger triumphantly at the coffin. "Objection! That's sexist! You vampires are all dirty hypocrites! I rest my case."

"She got a point, o Benevolent One," said Alfred. "We're meanta be politically correct vampires!" He said this phrase with evident pride, as if he were a precocious toddler being rewarded for knowing his uncle's name.

"Fool!" responded the Benevolent One scornfully. "If we wanted to be politically correct, we wouldn't have resorted to kidnapping in the first place."

Alfred blinked. "Oh, right! We did it to be assholes!"

Aida knew then, beyond a shadow of doubt, how very wrong her early assumptions about vampires had been.

_Argh, _she thought. _Kill me now._

_Let's get down to business  
to defeat the Huns  
(I mean the vampires):_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter Five: The Training Arc of Hell**

"So what's this Training Arc of Hell?" Kagami asked.

Kid explained. "If you want to have the right skills to be able to defeat the Benevolent One, then you will need to improve your Slaying skills. A wooden stake would not be enough, would it?"

"I guess not," Kagami agreed. He glanced at the sword Hotaru. "Right then, old boy. I'm ready to get down to business!"

Instead of replying, Kid started rummaging through his bag.

"Hurry it up, Kid!" Kagami said impatiently.

"Patience is a virtue," Kid said solemnly. "More haste, less speed."

At last, he finished pulling out what he wanted from the bag. It was a katana. He unsheathed it, grasping the sheath with his left hand and the sword with his right, and faced Kagami.

"Let's begin," he said, and then he launched his attack.

It took Kagami by surprise. Kid skidded forward and swung the sword down sharply. It was here when Kagami's basketball-honed reflexes came in handy and he blocked by bringing up Hotaru quickly to absorb the strike. The sound of steel clashing against steel rang out across the riverbank. Not missing a beat, Kid darted forward, his body blending against the shadows. He struck Kagami on the leg twice with the sheath of his sword while still blocking Hotaru with the blade of his katana.

Kagami refused to cry out in pain. "Tch!" he grunted, before quickly readjusting his stance and swinging his sword once more. The spar continued.

From a safe distance, Kuroko watched in interest. In his eyes, it seemed that while Kagami was clearly the bigger and stronger of the two, Kid had the better technique. This was very interesting indeed. On the basketball court, Kagami had always seemed exceptionally nimble for someone of his height and in terms of strength he had even been able to match up against people bigger than him. It seemed like sword fighting was a whole different ballgame.

What didn't change was the fire in Kagami's eyes. Kuroko could recognise it from a mile away. It was that obstinate, somehow _eager _look he took on whenever he was outmatched.

"That's enough," Kid said after about twenty minutes of fighting. "I see where you are lacking, my son."

"I'm not your son!"

"You struggle when someone comes very close to you," Kid went on. "That has to do with the reach of your sword, of course, but I think you will be even faster if you adapted to certain handicaps, if you know what I mean."

"No, I don't," said Kagami frankly.

Kid smiled. "Well, imagine if you had a body like mine. You wouldn't just rely on brute strength then, would you? So what I will do is this: I will enchant you so that you take on a smaller, weaker body, which you must get used to. When you do, only then will you be a master of the sword."

"All right then!" Kagami said, grinning. "I'll do what I can to get stronger!"

"Very well, then." Kid drew himself up and started to chant something in Latin.

Kuroko blinked.

Before his eyes, Kagami started to shrink. His arm and leg muscles vanished and his shirt started to look like it was several sizes too big. At the same time, his eyebrows thinned, his eyes grew bigger and the shape of his face became less angular and instead rounder, _softer_. What was most interesting to watch was his hair. It just kept growing longer and longer until it fell halfway down his back.

It was only when the changes actually stopped happening was Kuroko able to get a proper look at his friend and realise what had happened: Kagami had become a girl.

No doubt about it. He – well, _she _– did not have any breasts (something that was probably for the best, all things considered) but the rest of her body was short and slim. Her limbs were stick thin. Her face barely resembled Kagami's now; it was a sort of round, delicate, girly-looking face, lacking the heavy set eyebrows that made Kagami _Kagami_. Yet as soon as she started scowling, Kuroko could see the soul of his friend coming through keenly. She looked ready to bite something – _anything _– as long as it was within reach.

"What the-? What the hell _happened_?" Kagami demanded, dropping Hotaru reflexively.

"Taiga Kagami, you have become a girl," Kid proclaimed.

"Oh, fuck," said Kagami.

Her pants had fallen off her hips and lay crumpled at her feet. This was surprisingly okay, though, because her shirt was big enough to act as a dress and preserve her modesty. Kagami lifted her shirt and stared down at herself.

"What are you doing?" asked Kuroko.

"Just making sure," Kagami responded numbly. Then she said, "Oh, damn." And then, "So _that's _what it looks like from this angle."

"Stop perving on yourself, Kagami-kun."

"_I'm not perving!_" Kagami shouted, or perhaps it was more correct to say that she screeched. Her voice was several octaves above her range as a male. "What are you doing looking anyway? You're the one perving, you pervert!"

Kuroko stared blankly at Kagami's blushing red face for a moment, and then something very peculiar started to happen.

"Ha ha," Kuroko interposed. "Ha ha ha ha."

It took Kagami several moments for him to realise that the obscene, foreign noise Kuroko was making was actually _laughter_.

"Screw you!" she huffed and folded her arms, turning away with a loud _hmph _sound. "It's not like I like you anyway." Quickly, she faced Kid. "Oi, turn me back already."

"I will not turn you back until you defeat me as a girl," Kid said sternly.

"I have a feeling you just did this for shits and giggles," Kagami said suspiciously.

Instead of replying, Kid started examining his nails with great interest. It was as if Kagami did not even exist to him.

"I can't call him Kagami-kun now, hmmm… Kuroko-kun, what should I call him?"

Kuroko cocked his head and peered at the diminutive Kagami carefully. "Palmtop Tiger?" he suggested nonchalantly.

"If you start calling me that, I _will _carve you a new asshole," she said, picking up Hotaru as she spoke.

… only to drop the sword within a second, cursing like a drunken sailor.

It was clear enough to everyone present that Kagami's strength had more or less dissipated upon his transformation. Kuroko had the slightest feeling that Kid had made Kagami a bit _too _weak. Well, there was only thing to do now.

"Kagami-kun, let's have an arm wrestle," Kuroko said randomly.

"Huh? What? Okay."

They locked their hands together. For a moment, their grips struggled against each other's, and then Kuroko brought Kagami's hand down to the ground in submission.

At this point, Kuroko's face actually lit up, but I shan't bother to describe how that must have looked like. Go imagine it for yourself.

"That was my first time winning an arm wrestle," Kuroko said blandly, while wearing that expression of indescribable, exquisite exuberance on his face.

"Ugh, I've never seen you look so disgustingly happy," said Kagami with distaste.

She turned back to the sword and tried once more to pick it up without toppling over.

"I can make it a little easier for you," Kid began, looking a little bit guilty now.

"No!" Kagami snapped. "Shut up. It's not a challenge unless I do it on my own."

Grunting with exertion, she began to lift the sword up above knee level, and from there, she held it over her shoulder. Kuroko could see her thin white arms tensing, even though there were no muscles in her biceps. This made Kuroko feel strangely amused – Kagami was still Kagami when he was as a girl.

"Okay," Kagami said, panting. "I did it."

Kid was visibly impressed. "Oh, to be young and sure of oneself," he remarked.

Gritting her teeth, Kagami prepared to strike. The fire was back in her eyes with a vengeance. With a roar, she launched herself at Kid, bringing the sword down, not with overt strength but with the power of gravity.

Kid dodged the attack neatly and drew his katana. Once again, he held the katana and sheath like dual swords.

"Don't go easy on me just 'cos I'm a girl!" Kagami shouted, lifting the sword off the ground and swinging it once again. It was quite a remarkable feat for someone her size – the sword was as long as she was tall and the blade was almost as thick as her waistline. And still, she kept on the attack.

It was strange, but Kid visibly exerted more energy fighting back now than he did before. He was actually starting to breathe heavily, though his noise was drowned out by Kagami's.

That was just how Kagami did things, Kuroko knew. The higher the stakes, the lower the odds of succeeding – these were the things that pushed Kagami up to and beyond the limits. Even now, as Kuroko watched, Kagami started to push Kid onto his back foot through the sheer ferocity of his attacks. "It appears I have underestimated you," said Kid, smiling. Then quite suddenly, he dropped to his feet and swept his legs across to trip Kagami.

"Urk!"

Kagami's eyes widened. She cast her head around frantically as she lost her balance. For a brief moment, her eyes met with Kuroko's.

Kuroko peered straight back at her unfailingly, saying silently what he did not need to say aloud. In response, Kagami gave a small, imperceptible nod. Swinging her head back towards Kid, she grinned wolfishly. She was still falling, but she thought nothing of it now. She let go of Hotaru and let it fall with a muffled thud against the grass.

"What are you-?" Kid began, but Kagami interrupted her by snatching the sheath in Kid's left hand and leaning on it like a walking stick. It supported her weight perfectly, preventing her fall. Then, twirling around in a swift circle, Kagami pointed the sheath to Kid's neck. If she had been holding a real sword, she could have cut off the boy's head.

"I win," Kagami declared.

For a moment, Kid was silent, contemplating how Kagami had turned his own weapon against him.

Then he smiled.

"Yes, it appears the victory is yours."

* * *

After Kid turned Kagami back into a boy (Kagami spent several seconds checking that all his body parts were the ones he was used to), he said, "Well, it's time we're off to the Den of Vampires."

"Hey, what about Kuroko's training arc?" Kagami asked.

"Oh, he doesn't need one," Kid responded, shrugging. "All he needs to do is point a gun and pull a trigger. It's really not that difficult."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME A GUN TOO?"

"Because you're the meat shield," said Kid.

"I'm the _what_?"

* * *

**Next chapter: **Getting sick of fighting yet? Well, too bad. Suck it up, princess.

**Author's note: **A couple of weeks ago, when I saw Kuroko no Basuke for the first time, I must profess that when Taiga Kagami was first introduced, I immediately thought of Taiga Aisaka of ToraDora and Kagami Hiiragi of Lucky Star. Taiga Kagami was the composite of my two favourite tsundere characters ever! Just for that, he's on my list of favourite people.

And yes, before you ask, fem!Kagami/Kuroko is my OTP. You saw it here first. Write, my pretties! Pollute the fandom with this garbage! Screw fem!Kuroko, it's fem!Kagami all the way. I'd so tap her.

* * *

**Omake:**

Meanwhile, in the Den of Vampires, Aida found that board games got old _fast_. None of the vampires were willing to talk to her, preferring to snooze in their coffins. So after she got bored with playing Snakes and Ladders, Aida had nothing to do. So she resorted to singing nursery rhymes to herself.

"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?" she sang under her breath.

She was startled almost out of her skin when Alfred's coffin swung open and the vampire in question glowered at her.

"Wrong!" he declared. "Stupid human!"

"Wait what?" said Aida confusedly. She feared she had done something wrong in the eyes of the vampires, something that could cost her _life_.

"It's not 'baa baa black sheep'!" Alfred insisted. "It's 'baa baa rainbow sheep'!"


	6. Finally, some exposition

You may have noticed this already, dear reader, but these days everything is so abbreviated. There seems to be an acronym for every word you could think of. Some may decry recent phenomena such as Twitter and texting as corruption of our fair language, but I call it evolution. Language has changed, is changing and will continue to change. Far be it for us to criticise that which we mere mortals have no influence over! We must rid ourselves of this erroneous perception that words can be "dirty" or "impure", for were not all words born equal? Were they not nursed and cradled from their wombs by our democratic tongues?

And that is why from now on I will refer to the Benevolent One as BO, because it is too much bother to type out his name in full each time.

_And that's the moral of the story:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter six: Finally, some exposition**

BO was a national treasure in his own right. He had lived for thousands upon thousands of years. Unlike many of you reading this, he was born during the Bronze Age, when the Pharaoh Khufu erected the Great Pyramid at Giza and when the island of Crete was still inhabited by the Minoans. He led the first movement of vampires during the Dark Ages and, during the period of mass hysteria against vampires in the eighteenth century, he took it upon himself to shelter and to protect his fellow blood-suckers. This was a period in time known in Vampiric history as The Retreat. BO was considered one of the greatest heroes of that era. He had a real name once, though reverently, he came to be referred to solely as BO.

The country he chose to create the Den of Vampires in was Japan, a land that had, up until then, had no connections to vampires whatsoever. For almost a hundred years, vampire lived in relative sanctity, inconspicuously preying on the bodies of dead soldiers in feudal Japan. But time marched on and, in 1868, the year of the Meiji Restoration, BO met his match.

That was the year Kid came to Japan.

They stood in that blood-soaked field in the dead of the night, the sleeves of their kimonos flapping in the wind. Their swords were in hand and for a moment of deathly silence, they could only look at each other, seeing their lust for battle reflected in the eyes of the other. In all the years that had passed before or since, BO never doubted that he would protect all the vampires under his care. Standing still and furrowing his brow in deep contemplation, he eventually came to a decision.

To the shock and awe of those around him, BO sheathed his sword. He came close to the startled Kid and extended his hand for the Slayer to shake.

It was a moment never to be remembered, but never to be forgotten either.

* * *

These days, BO enjoys sleeping in his coffin, indulging in pointless sadistic laughter and formulating evil, convoluted plans. His hobbies include watching Asian dramas and reading romantic teen lit about vampires. When Aida came into the Den of Vampires, he stayed in his coffin all the time and only spoke so that he could make belittling comments to her. At various times, Aida attempted to open his coffin and smack him, but the coffin was magically shut and would open for no mortal. BO laughed at her futile efforts, and so did Alfred and one of his friends. The others simply turned over in their coffins and went on snoozing.

"I am getting so sick of you guys," Aida said indignantly.

"I'm afraid you'll have to stay here until Tetsuya Kuroko and Taiga Kagami come to us," BO told her, chuckling sardonically.

"Here's my question," Aida interjected. "Why didn't you just go out and kill them or bite them or whatever you wanted? It was a lot of mucking around kidnapping me and threatening them to come and all that. It's just so impractical; I've been trying to rationalise it in my head and I am not succeeding very well."

"I suppose I do owe you an explanation," BO said, sounding mildly amused.

Aida rolled her eyes. "Finally, some exposition!"

"Listen well, human. It's like this," BO explained in condescending tones. "You are female. That is why we picked you. The other day, we vampires lost a valued comrade. Her name was Katou and she was killed by those two foolish boys you coach. We took you so that we could turn you into a vampire right in front of their eyes. Vampire law dictates that we may only have ten males and ten females in one tribe and so we can only replace Katou with you. That is all."

Aida digested this with a pause. "Vampire law?" she said questioningly. "What's with the arbitrary law?"

"That was decided upon in the first year of the Meiji," BO answered curtly. "We can only feast on human blood upon the night of the new moon and we cannot turn humans into vampires except to replace a vampire that has been lost. That is how we ancient beings have escaped your inattentive notice for all these years."

So the legend of the Vampire of Shinjuku was true, Aida thought. Once every month, a poor, hapless boy with little physical presence was taken into the Den of Vampires and sucked of his blood. According to the legend, these boys who were bitten never died. They all survived. But they lost all motivation and energy and they hid themselves away in the darkness of their own homes, some of them never even coming out of their rooms. These sufferers of acute social withdrawal became what the Japanese call 'hikikomori'. And because they had never had much physical presence in the first place, nobody ever really realised that they went missing at all, let alone that there was a pattern…

Aida had always thought that the Vampire of Shinjuku story was just something high schoolers came up with to explain why hikikomori existed, but now, having seen the vampires herself, she was not sure. She had a niggling feeling that she was forgetting something important, but she had no idea what it was.

She was still deep in thought when Alfred sat up straight and let out an excited yelp. It was his job not only to watch over Aida but to keep an eye on the footage from the hidden security cameras stationed around the Den of Vampires.

"They're here, o BO!" he cried. "I can see 'em!"

Aida strained her neck to see. She could see Kagami straight away, holding a giant sword that would put Cloud Strife to shame. Kuroko was much harder to catch a glimpse of, but she managed to identify him after a moment. He was standing back to back with Kagami, preparing to bust in through the doorway. Part of Aida felt anxious about BO's dastardly plan, but another part of her could not help but feel eager. In her opinion, whenever these two boys put their mind to something, they were an unstoppable force.

"You can't defeat Seirin!" she declared with a haughty cackle. "Bwa ha! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

"You're doing it wrong," said BO irately. "It's like this: MWA HA! MWA HA HA HA-!"

The door crashed open.

"We're here to spank some pale white ass!" Kagami announced.

"-HA HA HA HA HA!" BO finished with a wheeze.

"This guy pisses me off," said Kagami.

"Be careful, you two!" Aida called out to them. "These guys are tough!"

That was about all the warning she could give to them. Two vampires, one of them Alfred, sprang to their feet and glared at Kagami and Kuroko menacingly. The other vampires turned over in their sleep.

The vampire who was not Alfred was a blond pretty boy who, had he not suffered from an acute aversion to light, could have become a model rivalling Kise. He had clear blue eyes, a voice that many women would describe as an orgasm to the ears and nostril hair that was simply divine. He stood before Kagami and Kuroko with his fangs clearly visible and he said:

"Fear me! My name is Fabio! You heinous villains have intruded upon our idyllic Den and caused a strife that is simply reprehensive, and for that you can never be vindicated, in this life or the next! Alfred and I shall lacerate your skin! We shall become heroes of justice and love! We shall-"

Kuroko shot him dead.

"That's racist!" said Alfred indignantly.

Then Kagami cut off his head.

"Well, that was kind of anticlimactic," said Aida dryly.

"The Preview lied!" Kagami fumed.

"Are you okay?" Kuroko asked Aida, extending a hand for her. She took it and stood up, brushing the dust off her skirt.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she told him briskly. "Listen, you guys. Those two vampires weren't it. There's more-"

She was interrupted by the creaking sound of coffins opening. Gulping, she turned around to see the sight of sixteen vampires with a terrible case of bed hair staring down at her with bloodshot eyes.

"Up and at 'em, boys!" Aida said, laughing nervously.

When no affirmative response came from Kagami, Aida started to feel herself get mad. "Come on already!" she groaned and turned to glare at the two boys.

They were lying on the floor, out stone cold. A twelve-year-old boy wearing an old-fashioned suit stood over their unconscious bodies, grasping a crowbar tightly in his hands. Kid straightened himself up neatly, fixed his bowtie and then bowed politely at Aida.

"I apologise for the inconvenience," he said smoothly.

And, taking a step towards Aida, he raised his crowbar once more.

* * *

When Aida woke up, her head was throbbing as if she were suffering from hangover. Her night vision goggles were gone and so she could not see even a metre in front of her in the darkness. But she could feel Kagami's warm body next to her because they were tied together with rope. Aida could not fall her arms at all. The ropes were cutting into her skin.

"This sucks," she said aloud, to no one in particular.

"Yeah," Kagami agreed with her. "It does."

"At least you're alive," Aida remarked wryly.

"Not for very long," Kagami told her.

"Oh," said Aida.

That was the part where she noticed that she and Kagami were trussed up upside down over a body of water and that there were flesh-eating piranhas swimming about in the water.

"Wait, how'd _that _get here?" she wondered aloud. She was pretty sure if there had been a pool of piranhas inside the Den of Vampires, she would have noticed it earlier. There was the possibility that the vampires had magicked it into existence (it was something they were perfectly capable of) but it was still a little random nonetheless.

"I don't know but… WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" Kagami roared, pushing against the rope vainly. The two of them swayed about in the air, their heads perilously close to the surface of the water. A piranha snapped at them, missing Kagami's nose by a hair.

"Way to think ahead, dumbass," said Aida.

"I don't see _you _doing anything," Kagami grumbled.

They hung there awkwardly for a moment, contemplating their dire situation.

"Hey, where's Kuroko?" Aida asked randomly.

Before Kagami could reply, Kid's voice responded to them. Aida could not see where he was, but he was standing somewhere to her right, beyond the pool of piranhas.

"Tetsuya Kuroko is with BO," said Kid.

"That stinks!" Aida scowled.

"You're a dirty traitor!" Kagami said furiously. "I never liked you, you know that!"

"I'm sorry," said Kid, "but it is my sacred duty as a Slayer."

He explained that over time, as his desire to slay vampires had faded, his role as a Slayer shifted to policing the remaining vampires in order to ensure that they did not cause undue fatalities. He contrived to keep their existence a secret and even to supply them with blood.

"As someone who was bitten by a vampire and underwent a partial transformation, my vampire powers only come out on the night of the new moon," he explained. "I am the Vampire of Shinjuku. I take young boys out of their natural habitat and I give them to the vampires to feast on."

Aida and Kagami gazed at Kid with mild fear. While pop culture had diminished their fear of vampires to a state of nonexistence, they both had to admit that the idea that hapless boys were being kidnapped, thrown into a den of twenty bloodsucking monsters who took it in turns to violate their bodies and then being doomed from their scarred experience to live a life of acute social withdrawal was honestly rather horrifying.

"And you strung us along…" Kagami growled.

"I had to," Kid told him simply. "You killed a vampire. They need to reproduce and they asked me to assist. I will ensure that you will not die though. I will erase your memories after this."

At this point, Aida had to wonder why she and Kagami were trussed upside down like chickens if they were not meant to be fed alive to the piranhas.

"That's so you don't try to escape," Kid explained reasonably.

You might imagine that Aida was really quite infuriated with this arrangement and that she did not think very highly of Kid, the traitorous Vampire Slayer. She found herself seething in a slew of hate and rage. She hated Kid. She wanted to express this emotion with the most vicious insult she could imagine.

"You are a poohead," she said.

"Argh! What's gonna happen to Kuroko?" Kagami asked worriedly. "You bastard! Let us see him!"

"Patience, my child, I have already spoken of this to you," Kid said sternly. "BO will not take long."

It is now pointless for me to continue writing out this scene. Kagami just went back and forth retreading the same insults and reproaches, expressing the same sentiments over and over again of wanting to shove a stick up Kid's posterior, of wanting to make sure Kuroko was safe, of wanting to escape. Let us now turn the scene to Kuroko and find out how his encounter with BO turned out.

* * *

Kuroko woke up next to BO's coffin and sat up, frowning, trying to regain his wits about him. His gun, Kiku-ichimonji, was gone.

BO's cackles filled the room.

"It is time for me to show my face to you, Tetsuya Kuroko."

So Kuroko sat down cross-legged next to the coffin and waited patiently.

Slowly, agonisingly slowly, the coffin began to open. A fine layer of dust filled the room. It was evident that the vampire did not come out of his coffin very often. Coughing and wheezing, he rose from the depths of his coffin. Kuroko blinked when he saw him because he recognised him. He recognised him all too well.

* * *

**Next chapter: **Who is BO? How does Kuroko know him? What really happened that time he was walking through Shinjuku when he was young? If you have no idea what I am talking about, reread the first chapter while you wait for chapter seven to come out.

(Hint: BO is a canon character, kind of.)


	7. It's okay to be gay

**Author's note: **I have friends who like Kuroko no Basuke. These people are who I consider my "cool" friends. I also have friends who hate Kuroko no Basuke; I call them "dickheads".

This one time, this guy said to me, "I can't watch shows about homosexual sportsmen."

I asked him how the _hell _he sat through Prince of Tennis. He had nothing to say to that.

But then he had something else to say: "I can't watch a show where they name the characters after colours on a rainbow."

I said, "Screw you, black's not a colour, it's a shade."

This guy tells me I should watch the new Lupin anime because it's super artsy and there's a naked girl in it all the time. Apparently, this one hundred per cent guarantees my viewing attention.

Naked chicks or gay basketballers… tough choice.

_But in the end, I made my decision:_

**Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku  
Chapter seven: It's okay to be gay**

It was Aomine.

This, of course, made absolutely no sense to Kuroko. First of all, the Aomine in front of him had a fashion sense that was more hideous than Kid's, and this said _a lot_. The puffy-sleeved pink shirt was very, very last century. Secondly, Kuroko was pretty sure that Aomine did not have sharp fangs, nor did he speak like a seventeenth century disciplinarian. How did Aomine even know what the word 'benevolent' even meant?

But there he was, Kuroko's old friend, dusting himself off and peering down at Kuroko with undeniable smugness.

"Are you surprised, mortal?" he asked, smirking.

Kuroko stared at him blankly.

Then, finally, he came up with his feedback.

"Wow, you've changed."

Yes, he certainly had.

"I know that you've stopped playing basketball out of fun," Kuroko went on in monotone, "but isn't this a little bit extreme, Aomine-kun?"

At this point, I should mention that BO has shape-shifting powers and at this precise moment in time, the real Daichi Aomine was snoring blithely in his bed. BO was the very antithesis of Aomine; Kuroko had no way of knowing this, but it really did not take a genius to make a wild guess at it.

BO actually had what he thought was a very good reason for taking Aomine's form. Like Katou and many other vampires, he wanted the luxury of being able to bite humans at his leisure, not restricted by Kid's new moon law. In this way, he would get what he wanted and, at the same time, it was the ultimate punishment for Kuroko for killing Katou.

And, of course, there was only one way for a vampire to possess a human's body.

"Let us fornicate," said BO-who-was-Aomine.

"I didn't know you swung that way."

"I need you," said BO-who-was-Aomine.

Kuroko was starting to feel a little bit disturbed.

"Aomine-kun," he said, somewhat sternly. "If you are that starved for companionship, I suggest you go to a bar filled with like-minded individuals."

"You are the most frustratingly obtuse human I have encountered in centuries," said BO exasperatedly. "I thought you and Daichi Aomine are _friends_."

From Kuroko's realm of experience, friends did not do what BO seemed to want to do. There were certain terms for these kinds of friends, but none of them described his relationship with Aomine. From his reclusive life in hiding, BO appeared to have acquired very strange views on relationships.

Kuroko was about to point this out when the scowling BO-who-was-Aomine said, "This is difficult. It only works if it's consensual."

Kuroko thought about this. Okay, so BO had turned into someone he knew in an attempt to appeal to his carnal desires. Fair enough, from a certain point of view. But why pick a _guy_? Kuroko supposed it was because he hadn't shown much interest in Katou. (What did she even look like? Kuroko could not even remember anymore.)

Okay. So that was where the misunderstanding arose from.

"Excuse me, BO-san," he said politely. "I feel like I should clarify my position on this."

"Go ahead," said BO with a sigh.

There was a short pause.

"The truth is," Kuroko said finally, "I am asexual."

* * *

Before we progress with the story, allow me to fill you in with a brief discussion on sexuality.

It's okay to be gay. That being said, most humans would consider themselves heterosexual; that is, they would rather reproduce with a member of the opposite gender. This is, biologically speaking, quite necessary for the survival of the human race. Humans are not like plants and bacteria that can split their cells up and essentially clone themselves. Kuroko may be capable of full-court passes but he is not capable of impregnating himself.

This is why BO's response to Kuroko's declarative statement was a short, flat, "No."

"I am not interested in anyone right now," Kuroko said nonchalantly.

"Are you interested in this?" BO asked, and before Kuroko's eyes his body shape morphed and twisted until it had turned into Kagami.

Only he was naked except for a yellow bikini.

"Where's the brain bleach?" was Kuroko's reaction.

BO scowled.

"Well, now I'm out of ideas," he said. Helpfully, he turned back into Aomine. Once he was in that form he sat down on his coffin, frowned and rubbed his forehead as if that would aid his imagination any better.

Kuroko did not think BO's imagination needed any aiding. On the other hand, seeing the vampire look so downhearted made him feel kind of sorry for him.

"So tell me," BO said with a sigh. "What sort of person would be your ideal lover?"

Seeing no harm in responding, Kuroko thought for a moment and said, "She'd be female for a start."

"Go on."

"She would be resilient and have a strong sense of courage and what is right."

BO growled. For one vivid moment, his expression actually fit Aomine's face perfectly. "All you did was list personality traits!"

"It's what's on the inside that counts," Kuroko pointed out.

"You are making it extremely hard for me to seduce you."

"I'm sorry." (He was not sorry in the slightest.)

"It's not okay," said BO.

They were both silently for a moment, having run out of things to say. For a climactic showdown between vampire and mortal, it was rather awkward. Kuroko yawned and rubbed his nose.

"Well, I guess I'll have to give up on possessing you," BO said finally. He was unable to conceal his disappointment. "It was a shame. With you I would have kept most of my vampire powers. If I possess the other boy, I'll have nothing left."

Kuroko took this to mean that this affinity for shadow he possessed, something which Katou and Kid had both commented on, was the reason why the vampires took an interest in him. It felt like a relief in a way to know exactly why that was the case.

"Listen well, Tetsuya Kuroko," BO told him, sitting up straight and peering down at him intently. "To vampire folk, you are desirable for pragmatic reasons, you along with many other people who seem so average and are hard to notice." He explained to Kuroko the truth behind the Vampire of Shinjuku story and waited until Kuroko had appeared to process all the information with a nod. Then he went on. "I bit you once, child. We all did. But that is something you no longer remember."

Kuroko blinked.

"Like all those we feasted on, we erased your memory," BO continued. "Kid made sure of that."

If Kuroko remembered carefully, he could have sworn he perceived the shadows shifting that day in Shinjuku… was that when the incident had happened? That day…

"Oh, I see," BO said, chuckling sardonically. "I see you might remember something after all."

Very, very slowly, Kuroko's expression shifted from utter blankness to utter horror.

* * *

He was eight or nine back then. It actually happened in relative daylight. He was playing quietly by himself in the park and his mother was watching him. Then Kid came along, and of course, no one could be suspicious of him when he was dressed like an actual child. He asked Kuroko to play with him…

… and taking him by the hand, he took Kuroko away into some place he did not know.

In the dark, Kuroko found himself stricken. He did not have the energy to move. What had at first seemed like mere shadows to his vision simply piled themselves on top of him all at once. They moved quickly, teeth glinting, their fangs digging viciously into his exposed skin. He wondered why he could not remember any of that, because he was certain he could never have forgotten the overwhelming pain of being bitten. Mostly, he found himself recalling the golden-eyed and merciless gazes of his assailants, how they fell upon him without any hint of remorse and greedily lapped up all the blood they could take from him. By the end, he felt faint and light-headed, for he had lost a lot of blood, and all he could do was stare listlessly at the ceiling with eyes that were dull and glassy. Kid carried him back to his mother.

Now Kuroko could remember that after that incident, he had not wanted to come out of his room. He was frightened by the very notion of light. He wanted to stay inside in the shadows because there, _somehow_, it felt safe. At that time, he could not recall why he was so afraid of the outdoors, but the fear was very real.

At first, his parents tolerated this. But as time went by and Kuroko became paler and frailer and more reclusive, they started to worry.

"He is too _young_," he heard them say to each other in hushed, worried tones, when they thought he was not listening. "This shouldn't be happening to him."

Perhaps Kuroko would have stayed like that his entire life, wasting away inside of his room without any real notion of light. But then his mother did something that, on retrospect, probably saved his life.

She gave him a basketball.

"This is a game that you can only play in the light," she explained to him. "Light is not a bad thing, Tetsuya. Without light, there can be no shadow. So do not be afraid of it, Tetsuya. Basketball is a very fun game."

Gradually, very gradually, and out of love for the game, Kuroko eased himself back into the light.

Unfortunately, all those years he had spent as a recluse had taken their toll on him, and when Kuroko entered Teikou middle school's basketball club, he did so as one of the worst players. His arm strength would never be as strong as the Generation of Miracles. But to him, it did not matter with the type of basketball he ended up playing.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Now, Kuroko gazed at BO and frowned, not out of resentment for what the vampires had done to _him _in particular, but at the thought that what had happened to him was not an isolated incident. So many young boys had had their lives ruined by the vampires. There may not have been any deaths, but it was the worst kind of bullying imaginable.

"Surprised I'm evil?" BO asked with a wolfish grin. (It was _such _an Aomine-ish grin – Kuroko had to remind himself that this was not his friend that he was really looking at.) "Haha! You shouldn't be so shocked. Of course I'm evil – I'm a vampire."

"What do you plan to do with Kagami-kun and Riko-san?" Kuroko asked firmly. He asked this politely enough but he was frowning.

"We plan to turn the girl into a vampire right in front of your eyes."

Kuroko thought about the message in blood that the vampires had written. Was this what they were referring to, about not seeing Aida alive again? Certainly being a vampire was like being among the undead.

"Terrible, isn't it?" BO said gleefully.

"I will stop you," said Kuroko.

BO burst out laughing.

"And how are you going to do that?" he asked. "Your weapons killed nobody, just so you know. Alfred and Fabio only played at being dead. You can't slay any vampires!"

Kuroko was silent. He watched as BO strode across the room, that triumphant look pasted across his face. He had almost reached the door, where Kagami and Aida probably were, when he turned back around with a flourish and faced Kuroko directly.

"Even if I don't get to possess you, I still win!" BO went on. He was working himself into a state of giddiness. "I love winning."

Kuroko let the silence between them open up before he responded. When he did speak up, it felt as if all the air was being drained out of the atmosphere and poured directly into the space between him and the vampire.

"I like winning too," he said quietly.

But BO grinned and bared his teeth, as if shredding apart all the resolve.

"Well, too bad, you lost the game!"

"No, I haven't," said Kuroko stonily.

By his side, his fingers twitched. BO noted the subtle movement and frowned.

"Yes, you have," he insisted, starting to get a little upset now by how stubborn Kuroko was being.

And that was when, inwardly, Kuroko smiled. He had a plan.

* * *

**Next chapter: **The climactic battle. This is also the penultimate chapter, by the way, so only one more chapter after that and we're done with Kuroko and the Vampire of Shinjuku. Whoa!


End file.
